It's a war, not a battle.

Often times the desire to improve is initially fueled with a lot of motivation. Most people set out with a "cold turkey" mindset--they're done with it and they will never ever go back. We applaud the motivation--that's exactly what is needed. However that motivation can dwindle overtime, especially if you slip up. In these down moments, it can be difficult to see light ahead--especially if you repeatedly experience the downs. For these reasons, it's important to understand that for most, recovery does take time. There will be many ups and downs. Recovery is a war, not just a battle. And wars take time--sometimes decades.

War, not a Battle
Improving behaviors can take a lot of time. For some it's months, for others years. You are not weak simply because it takes you longer. For many, the behaviors have been a part of their lives for more than a decade. Frequently formed in youth, when the brain is most impressionable. The war for the individual first addicted in their youth with behavior spanning a decade will likely take longer than the war for the individual who's bad behaviors only started 6 months ago.

Regardless of how long it takes, it's important to point out that the only way you lose the war is by permanently giving up. Regardless of how many battles you lose, as long as you eventually stand back up ("back in the saddle" or BITS) you will eventually win. You will win quicker if you fall less often and stand up quickly when you do. But do not feel discouraged at the loss of a battle. Do everything you can to make up for hurt you may have caused others. But you can and will win as long as you do not quit. Just keep getting back up.

Mindset
It's for this reason we encourage you to get back in the saddle quickly when you do fall. You must not beat yourself up so much that you have no energy left to get back in the saddle. Accept that downs come with recovery. Resolve to stand up as quickly as possible when they do. Do not let this understanding weaken your resolve to stay strong though. With each down, you are hurting yourself and loved ones.

Marriage / Relationships (How can this knowledge benefit a spouse or partner?)
This mentality can be rough on marriages and relationships. Loving spouses and partners frequently want to believe the issue is over--that it's past. They've already felt so much pain, and you've potentially made promise after promise that you ended up breaking.

But if your spouse wishes for this war to be over as quickly as possible, then they need to make the decision that if there is another down moment, that they'll help you get back in the saddle as quickly as possible. Consider making this promise--if your partner stumbles and is open with you about it--you promise to help them get back in the saddle.