We make a little progress and then regress.
#7 by PurpleLily at 4/27/2025, 7:32:50 PM
accountabilitypartnerparentpornographySo there's been progress but then regression over and over. I had to set some strict boundaries and consequences. For my sanity and him to have motivation to keep progressing. It's helping, as of now. He has stated he's clean (since 2 months ago) he's been staying clean. But he also told me that over and over before when he wasn't. Makes me question if he's lying or telling the truth this time. I do think I see a difference. So I'm starting to believe he is clean. Which is a relief. But there is much progress to be done. I still have a lot of work to heal. And he has a lot of work to regain my trust.
It can feel like watching grass grow at times, just requires even more patience. Remember setbacks are not the end of the world. What's most important is helping him to get "back in the saddle" as quickly as possible. You need to do everything you can to encourage him to want to quit. Ultimately it is his decision though, and noticeable progress won't be made until he consistently decides he wants to quit. It can be difficult as a partner to have that attitude, but it's the best way for you to help if your sole focus is on helping him.
Each relapse/setback is an opportunity to learn grow. If one does happen again, analyze why. Why did he break down? Was he under stress? On a trip away from you? etc. Then if you can, try to introduce guardrails to help.
For most people, porn is used as a way to "feel" something. Depression/anxiety/stress/etc can all cause people to feel empty inside, then porn gets used, it triggers a quick dopamine hit, and then they're just left feeling even emptier afterwards. But bodies naturally are wired to "like" dopamine hits, so it can be a challenge.
Each relapse/setback is an opportunity to learn grow. If one does happen again, analyze why. Why did he break down? Was he under stress? On a trip away from you? etc. Then if you can, try to introduce guardrails to help.
For most people, porn is used as a way to "feel" something. Depression/anxiety/stress/etc can all cause people to feel empty inside, then porn gets used, it triggers a quick dopamine hit, and then they're just left feeling even emptier afterwards. But bodies naturally are wired to "like" dopamine hits, so it can be a challenge.
by strider 12d 15h 52m ago