Wow. The Rollercoaster I've been on.... I found out. That since getting help. He had gotten worse. He had been doing so much more than just watching porn. I'm not ready to dive into details about that. But porn is just their "gateway drug"... eventually it's not enough.
I kicked him out. Then after awhile in a hotel his parents wanted us to visit to talk. On our way there, I heard God speak to me. It was like nothing I've ever experienced. Have you ever heard God talk to you?
That night, I did.
I've never heard him speak to me. Just what I would call signs.
He told me we HAVE to get him help. We're going to have to fight this together with God. God just told me that the Devil is throwing everything he can at my husband. That's why it's gotten worse, so much worse, since getting him help at the church. The devil doesn't just want him living in sin he wants to completely destroy him. He told me to hold on longer. He told me to help him. He told me to be tough.
His dad had a heart to heart with him. And he's making what SEEM to be improvements.
And I'm just taking it one day at a time.
It got worse before it got better
#5 by PurpleLily at 2/5/2025, 6:27:53 AM
accountabilitypartnerparentpornographyThe ultimate goal is to help him stop. It's not to safeguard your feelings. Thats a very very very difficult thing to do though. But honestly, you're his greatest asset in this fight as his partner. It really helps to know that's what God wants you to do. It gives a sort of confidence and hope. Write down how you felt, the thoughts you had, etc. Then if, over the passage of time, you need a reminder, you can read over what you wrote.
I don't know you, but I want you to know I'm incredibly proud of you. Its truely inspirational.
I remember a moment in Les Miserables, where Jean is out of prison and steals from the priest after whacking him on the head to get away if I remember right. He is caught and brought to the priest, who looks at him and says "he didn't steal from me, but he did forget the silver candlesticks" or something along those lines. In that moment, the love the priest had for Jean, despite the harm Jean had caused the priest, changed Jean's heart. This same change of heart is often attributed to Jesus Christ by those who study the Bible. I believe your current path to help him mimics this type of loving sacrifice. It is heart changing. When he realizes it, this is the type of love that can help inspire him to break his way free from porn's shackles.
One other thing I'd add--I'm not sure if you're married or not. But almost everyone atleast believes when they're at the alter in the idea of staying committedly married even in times of "sickness". Pornography is an addiction, that often stems from underlying negative feelings like anxiety or depression (aka a sickness). He doesn't do it to hurt you. He does it because he's sick.
The one caveat I would add to this, is if a spouse is abusive (and you have to decide that for yourself), it can a different story. Generally speaking, consult with God and find the answer that's right for you. I can't help but believe God would prefer more marriages survive than don't, but sometimes I do believe it is okay in God's eyes to seperate and seek divorce. But that should only be as a last resort, after much prayer and consideration, and you feel at peace with the decision.
Congrats again :). You're on a hopeful path. There is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long that tunnel is. It might be difficult, perhaps more so than you realize, but few good things come easy. Great people are fordged from adversity. I believe marriages that survive adversity can be made stronger from the adversity with God's help.
Thank you for sharing!
I don't know you, but I want you to know I'm incredibly proud of you. Its truely inspirational.
I remember a moment in Les Miserables, where Jean is out of prison and steals from the priest after whacking him on the head to get away if I remember right. He is caught and brought to the priest, who looks at him and says "he didn't steal from me, but he did forget the silver candlesticks" or something along those lines. In that moment, the love the priest had for Jean, despite the harm Jean had caused the priest, changed Jean's heart. This same change of heart is often attributed to Jesus Christ by those who study the Bible. I believe your current path to help him mimics this type of loving sacrifice. It is heart changing. When he realizes it, this is the type of love that can help inspire him to break his way free from porn's shackles.
One other thing I'd add--I'm not sure if you're married or not. But almost everyone atleast believes when they're at the alter in the idea of staying committedly married even in times of "sickness". Pornography is an addiction, that often stems from underlying negative feelings like anxiety or depression (aka a sickness). He doesn't do it to hurt you. He does it because he's sick.
The one caveat I would add to this, is if a spouse is abusive (and you have to decide that for yourself), it can a different story. Generally speaking, consult with God and find the answer that's right for you. I can't help but believe God would prefer more marriages survive than don't, but sometimes I do believe it is okay in God's eyes to seperate and seek divorce. But that should only be as a last resort, after much prayer and consideration, and you feel at peace with the decision.
Congrats again :). You're on a hopeful path. There is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long that tunnel is. It might be difficult, perhaps more so than you realize, but few good things come easy. Great people are fordged from adversity. I believe marriages that survive adversity can be made stronger from the adversity with God's help.
Thank you for sharing!
by strider 7d 11h 58m ago
I truly appreciate your words of encouragement! He has been abusive but I grew up with an addicted dad and stepdad. My dad is still an alcoholic after 27 years and still abusive. My stepdad was addicted to so much, narcotics, alcohol, you name. My step-dad went to rehab and is a completely different person than the man I grew up with. I believe my husband is fighting a battle and I believe the longer he's sober the better he'll become in all aspects of life. My life experiences have helped my patience and endurance. I have been too lenient, with my husband, with my boundaries in the past. Because I have a soft spot for him. It's only been enabling in a way. I have become strict with boundaries. Which has helped both of us. I'm very hopeful for the future.
by PurpleLily 7d 6h 28m ago